Premise
Godzilla and King Caesar scrap it out with Mechagodzilla and fuck up a lot of shit while in the process.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071565/
Is this a conga drum I’m hearing? I have no idea what a conga drum is so I don’t know. Let me look it up… Fuck, I still don’t know.
Haha, this old guy’s so old.
Her prediction scared you? What prediction? The one about the giant monster destroying the planet? Well thank god you live in the real world and those types of things never…oh, wait…dude, you’re fucked. Godzilla land is a perilous place, indeed.
There’s a prophecy foretelling the arrival of Mechagodzilla involving black mountains in the sky and other such cryptic nonsense. The jist is that Mechgodzilla’s gonna Mecha-rise and Mecha-fuck this planet up. Mechanized, bitches!
“A huge living being is moving underground” Says the radio. Must be the mole people again.
The Professor takes one look at this chick and just says: “Wow!”. Fucking smooth, man.
Karate fight! I don’t think they’re actually using karate but as far as I know karate is the only way Japanese people know how to fight.
I didn’t know that smothering someone with a pillow while pummeling them in the face was a karate maneuver.
This old guy always seems to be in a blind panic, which is funny to watch since he’s so old. He gives the sense that he could have a stress induced heart attack at any moment.
“Anguris shouldn’t attack his friend Godziller” That’s not Godziller, dumbass, that’s Godzilla! Oh wait, that’s not Godzilla, it’s Mechagodzilla.
Poser Godzilla just struck a fighting stance. Know what that means? Means he wants to fight.
That was pretty brutal for a Godzilla fight.
Now it appears that he’s imitating a chicken…or something.
I can just imagine my 7 year old self crying in outrage “That’s not Godzilla! Godzilla sounds different! Godzilla shoots blue fire! Fuck this fake ass imposter Godzilla piece of shit. Motherfucker!!!” I swear to god I talked like that when I was 7.
Real Godzilla
Fake Godzilla!“Two Godzilla’s?! What does it mean?” It means one of em’s about to get fucked up!
Random explosions! YAY!!!
“You could call it a Mechagodzilla” That’s Mr. Mechagodzilla to you, fuck hole!
Holy shit it’s a cyborg!!!!
A cyborg with Rocket feet!
His feet, they're rockets.I wonder if these guys are aliens…
You got space metal, you gotta have space men. It’s so simple!
Don’t you go making a deal with those Crazy space men! They’ll destroy the world! Oh shit, he’s got a laser! Do whatever he tells you!
Godzilla’s healing himself with lightening. He does that sometimes.
Bullets that turn people into green gorilla men? Or was he already? I’m confused!
These monkey men ain’t got shit.
Why not just shoot them? Why go through the trouble to build a room made specifically just to fill with enough steam to kill someone? You could have saved that money and spent it on more lasers.
Oh yeah, that was some Chow Yun-fat shit right there.
“I’ve sold my soul to the devil”: If by “devil” you mean cucumber-green ape man from beyond the stars, then I suppose you did. Jerk.
I almost believe they found a race a Green ape-men that can transform into and out of human form at will, and persuaded them to be in this movie somehow (probably green space bananas). That’s how convincing the FX are. Really. No exaggeration. I can’t believe for a second that it’s not real.
They’re spurting green alien gorilla blood from their bullet wounds!
Giant lasers are shooting out of the sky blowing up rocks! Fuck those rocks up, lasers! Where are the lasers coming from? I don’t know. What did the rocks do to incur their wrath? I don’t know. Best guesses: The Moon and banged the lasers wife.
King Caesar! YES!
King Caesar: too cool to walk.King Caesar’s floppy ears make me smile.
Some lady has to sing to awaken King Caesar from his sleep so he can fuck up that big metal Fakezilla.
Why the fuck doesn’t Mechagodzilla step on this chick before she can finish the song and bring Caesar to life? Or shoot her with his rockets or lasers or whatever.
It’s smack down time, mother FUCKER!
That song ended so abruptly.
There was this huge explosion and all of a sudden Caesar was standing there and he was all like “Let’s do it, thunder-cunt” and flexed his muscles and screamed, and his eyes were glowing n’ shit and Mechagodzilla was like “Are you talking to me, motherfucker?! You wanna go?! Huh?! I’ll smack your monkey ass into orbit you big furry bitch!” And Caesar was like, “Bring it on, wangbasket!! You and me, right here, right now!” And Mechagodzilla was all like “Let’s do it!!” And King Caser was like “YEAH!!!” And Mechagodzilla was like “IT’S GO TIME!!!!” And Caesar screamed “COME ON!!!” And Mechagodzilla was all “BRING IT!!!!” and then they both screamed “YYYYEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!” and started making out. . .well in my mind they did.
You cannot harm Caesar with your laser attacks you silly massive robot.
OH! Caesar just bounced off Mechagodzilla’s huge metallic pecs! Pecs of steel deflect Caesars charge attack, BOUNCE!
Caesar took him down with a shoulder throw!
Mechagodzilla keeps trying his lasers but Caesar just absorbs them and shoots them back. Haha!!!!…yeah, I’m way to into this.
“Try absorbing rockets, bitch!” Mechagodzilla said that, honest. That’s not something I would make up.
I think Mechagodzilla’s trying to rape King Caesar’s mouth with his fingers…
Epic brawl, or sodomy?“Godzilla is still alive” Fucking A right he is! Godzilla’s always alive…in my heart.
Aww, Godzilla is so cute when he’s angry
Dude, did Godzilla just snap his fingers in frustration?
Mechagodzilla is such a cheap motherfucker. Stop flying and fight like a proper robot!!
Jon Woo was definitely influenced by this movie
What the fuck, man?! This is so fucking cool! It makes no sense!!!!
Mechagodzilla’s spinning his head around and around to create a force field! WHAT!?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAH OH MY FUCKING GOD, OH MY FUCKING GOD AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH THIS IS SO FUCKING COOL!!!!!!!!!
Godzilla is spurting blood from a wound in his neck. It’s like Lone Wolf and Cub but with giant monsters and laser beams instead of Japanese people and swords. Wait giant Japanese people…with laser swords…Holy. Shit.
Mechagodzilla is laying down a barrage of rockets, lightening and 18 different types of lasers!
Did I mention Mechagodzilla has rockets for toes? Well he does. Cool, no?
Holy fuck, dude, I mean, fuck, man! How fucking cool is this movie?! HOW FUCKING COOL IS THIS?!!!
He reminds me of a penguin sometimes. Like now.
Why is Godzilla glowing and shooting sparks? I have a feeling something that makes no sense is about to happen!
Godzilla inexplicably just turned into a giant magnet! Here, let this guy tell you: “He’s transformed himself into a magnetic pole!” SEE! I fucking told you!
Oh you ain’t going nowhere this time Mechagodzilla. Godzilla’s gottcha now!
Double teamed, motherfucker!
Body slam that son of a bitch, King Caesar! Body slam him up good!!!
Godzilla knocked Mechagodzilla’s head right the fuck off. “That’s was you get!” Screams Godzilla as he stands victoriously over Mechagodzilla’s lifeless heap of a body, violently jabbing at it with his index finger. You mess with the best, you die like all the other punk-ass monsters that fucked with Godzilla and were in turn killed in reprisal, and you messed with the best, Mecha-douche.
Crackow!
And I say unto thee, thou shalt not fucketh with Godzilla, for he is king...of the monsters!
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