Premise: A yellow serial killer murders college age, hot, retards on Christmas.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0454082/
Smoking is bad for you.Oh, coming soon to theaters, eh? Time to put my DVD player’s fast forward button into action!
How many times do I have to say “I don’t fucking care” before these previews of upcoming feature films get the idea that I DON’T FUCKING CARE!!!!!?
Wine, bright flashing lights, snow, plastic statues shaped like a fat man with a long beard wearing a red and white fur coat. It could only mean one thing…Orgy!!!!
Oh shit! I think I’m supposed to be scared right now…I’m not. Hmm, something must be horribly wrong here.
Oh no. Someone has just been murdered!
“Tastes like chicken…cause it’s chicken. It’s the closest we could get to how mom used to taste” That line isn’t so much stupid as it is unbearably infuriating. I want to punch my dog in the face right now.
I just punched my dog in the face. Not my fault. Blame the movie.
So…wow. You’ve accomplished an amazing feat. You’ve effectively abolished the ambiguity and mystery that made Billy such an effective antagonist in the original film. Now we know he’s a crazy person with some suitably traumatic crazy person back story. How crazy? Apparently really crazy based on all the dialogue discussing just how crazy he is. Nicely done! Fuck! This movie is filling me with such an unholy rage…I need to hit something and my dog’s ran off….Be right back. Oh. And Billy has yellow skin, too. Why? I have no fucking clue.
Oh, wow, cool! Some dude just got stabbed in the neck…with a candy cane! The first of what I can only hope will be a film-spanning series of gimmicky Christmas themed murders. Yay!
Actually, it’s not really that unrealistic. I mean Billy’s got nothing else to do with his time but rock back and forth in his chair and practice whittling candy canes into lethal weapons. With enough practice, and the right technique I do believe it could be done.
She can’t talk, she’s got a bag over her head.
Way to get fucked up, bitch! Ha!
Why is someone killing people in two different places. Logic dictates that there must be two different killers. Based on that fact I have deduced that Billy is actually a leprechaun. As everyone knows, Leprechauns have Multiple Man-esque self-multiplying abilities, and he’s killing different people at different places at the same time. That or there are two killers. I like the Multiple Homicidal Leprechaun theory more, though.
Leprechauns are yellow, right? Or green. Yellow or green. I’m gonna say Yellow, otherwise my theory doesn’t really hold water.
Oh…wow…Christmas decorations and traditions are all neo-pagan magic. Try to guess how much I don’t give a fuck!
Flashback!
Run little Billy, you little scamp you!
I don’t give a fuck, I don’t give a fuck, I don’t give a fuck, I don’t give a fuck, I don’t give a fuck, I don’t give a fuck, I don’t give a…end of flashback
Creepy voice. It’s creeping me out with it’s creepiness. Hmm, who could Agnes be? Oh I’m sure the answer to that question will be spoon-fed to me eventually.
Creepy person. Could be one of the killers? Could be…I’m to busy not giving a fuck to think about it.
Return of Flashback: This time it’s Personal!
I predict this is going to end exceedingly not well for little Billy. That poor little monkey, I mean his mom isn’t hot at all, you know.
Told you!
Flashforward!
Grown up yellow Billy likes the feel of a nice wooden post on his black leather gloves.
“Why is Megan calling here?” Cause you suck! I hate you! Buffy was a good fucking show until the fifth season you filthy whore! It was all downhill from there, thanks to you!
Oh, man. Almost fooled me. For a second I thought that was actually the killer there. It’s not though. It’s some dude. Whew, dodged a bullet there. My heart is beating so fast. Thrilling.
“That was the devil!” How would you know what the Devil sounds like? Huh?! HUH!?
I’ll Punk you…in the face! YEAH!
Haha! I like this guy! They ARE spoiled bitches! This guy is so not uncool!
Flashback part III: Flashbacker!
He’s all yellow. Like nacho cheese. Like someone dyed his skin with nacho cheese. Like he sat in a tub full of nacho cheese for days until his skin adopted the color of the nacho cheese. Nacho cheese…
Wow…you’re not a creepy whore at all are you? Naw, not even a little!
Run adolescent Billy! She might make you have sex with her again!
He’s stabbing a little girl in the face. Not only a little girl, his daughter/sister. And now he’s eating her eyeball! Aw man, he’s practically living my dream, I’m so jealous.
Someone just got Pwnt! Sorry, been playing Counter-Strike a lot today.
Her father Billy was also her Brother Billy? What?! Really?! You mean it?!!! Oh, wait. I already knew that.
Flashforward!
Ah! I get it now! Good Leprechauns are tiny and green, bad leprechauns are man sized and yellow. And if there ever was a bad Leprechaun it was Billy Leprechaun the baddest most meanest evil Leprechaun there ever was.
Not much is happening now. Stuff. People are walking around. People are talking. Someone posted pictures of someone having sex? Someone is angry about that. Cool. Cool, cool.
That guy is awesome!
“Every other house on this street has power, but this one doesn’t” Excellent observation lady. Can these fucking retards put two and two together? Mysterious noises in the attic, unexplained disappearances, threatening phone calls, Unknown packages under the Christmas tree and now the power is cut. How about you all stop being a bunch of douche-cunts and either start making out with each other, or die. Either would be somewhat entertaining, at least. The former more so, I’d think, but I’m good either way.
Aww, her boyfriend betrayed her. She’s sad. That’s a shame. So is anyone gonna take their clothes off? There was a shower scene earlier but you didn’t see shit. Come on! Someone has to! What the fuck am I watching this for?
They had to have a severed head practically thrown at them to figure out something was amiss. Aren’t they supposed to be college students? Must be all the pot, and them being idiots probably contributes a tad bit as well.
Why don’t you all grab a bunch of knives and sit in the fucking laundry room all night or something?
Pretty sure an icicle wouldn’t have enough force, falling from maybe three feet in the air, to completely impale someone’s head. I don’t mean to nitpick, but even Bruce Willis couldn’t ram an icicle all the way through that guy’s head in Die Hard 2, and he was really trying.
If Michelle Trachtenberg lives one second longer I’m going to punch her through the TV until she dies in real life. And I don’t care how long that takes!
It’s about fucking time!
Creepy yellow voiced phone demon keeps talking gibberish. If you want a family so much just have sex with your sister/daughter and have some more kids.
Wow, dude, if he had sex with his sister/daughter that would be like twice as incestuous as normal incest. Then his kids would be his as well as his nieces/nephews. Then if he had sex with them those kids would be like…kids and grand kids and grand nieces/nephews? He could be a father, grandfather, uncle and great uncle all at once…mind boggling…and, also…strangely arousing.
Agnes is slapping these chicks around like fruitcake! Wait, what the fuck does fruitcake have to do with anything?
Oh, yeah, my Yellow, Insane, Duplicate Leprechaun Killer theory didn’t pan out. Agnes is the second killer. And Agnes is Billy’s Sister/Daughter because Billy’s Mom raped him when her lover fell asleep mid-fuck. Just wanted to make sure no one got lost, you know.
I like how people keep getting stabbed in the head…that’s kind of cool.
Aww, Father daughter/brother sister reunited after so many years apart. It’s a Christmas miracle!
I still can’t figure out why they made him yellow. It’s not scary. Just reminds me of Bert from Sesame St. in live action. But then Bert always was a creepy little whack job. I could totally see him on a face stab-happy plastic bag head bashing eye ripping/eating rampage similar to the one taking place here if Ernie ever wasn’t around to keep him in line.
I guess Bert, I mean Billy, got burned up or something. He ain’t dead though. His yellow skin must be super resilient. Like a crocodiles scales or something, Or maybe it’s his evil leprechaun black magic. Wait, so he is a leprechaun afterall? Shit!
I wonder what’s up with Agnes’ eye fetish. Or her plastic bag fetish. Or her face stabbing fetish. Or her, “put a plastic bag over someone’s head and stab them in the eyes” fetish.
I’m actually a little confused. How many people has Billy actually even killed in this movie?
Agnes got electropaddled to death! With electropaddles…of death!
It’s like the movie is reading my mind to find out what will piss me off the most, and then does it.
Billy the Eye Feasting Nacho-Cheese Leprechaun is going nuts with this scalpel
I like how this guy sees a crazy overall-wearing yellow skinned scalpel-mad nutfucker is trying to kill this chick, but he doesn’t try to help. It’s like he finds her as annoying as I do.
She Judo tossed that yellow bastard’s ass right onto the pointy end of a Christmas tree! Damn straight!
That movie fucking sucked! I mean, it fucking sucked a lot. Almost more than I thought it was possible for a movie to suck.
I wonder if Mythbusters is on.
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