Zombi 3: Real Time Review

Zombi 3: Real Time Review

Premise: All of the best things about life converge on film.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096511/


Great, great, fucking music!

Those birds sure look real.

I think they’re trying a bit too hard to make this dude out to be the “evil military guy” what with all the “Kill all the people in the contaminated area and bury them in a mass grave” talk. Funny how he specifies “mass”, what other kind of grave would it be with dozens and dozens of corpses in it?

Pulsating wounds creep me out

Stop walking backwards you stupid knob. Fucker was walking backwards for about 46 seconds straight.

What the fuck?! How is a severed zombie head flying through the air? Why would it be that? What the fuck is that shit? What the fuck?!

“I’m feeling better Patricia, but I’m thirsty, for your blood!!!”
Wow. Just, wow.

So these zombies can fight and talk and even make threats, too. A zombie dude and a normal dude zombie are fighting. This is the first movie I’ve seen where a zombie punches a guy in the face.

A zombie just jumped off a bed and hurled himself through a second story window…sweet.

Exploding head equals higher rating from me!

How did that zombie get on the ceiling? And under the dock? and in the wall? What the fuck is this? a zombie fun house?

Some guy threw a zombie off of a five foot drop onto wet sand and killed it. Sand's really not that hard. It's actually fairly soft. Few things would die from falling a short distance on to sand. These zombies being one of those things. These zombies are weak. But they are resourceful, I’ll give em’ that.

Another exploding head makes this almost worth my time.

Don’t tell me that Duck is a zombie too!

Some guy who’s name I don’t remember is about to get shot and I’m supposed to care…I don’t.

This scientist always seems to be struggling to remember what he was going to say next. His facial expressions are interesting as well, his performance is the best thing about this movie. Outside of the exploding heads and zombie fist fights of course.

Dumb Bitch #1: “It’s a creepy sound lest go explore even though there are only two of us, you’ve got a broken leg and can barley walk by yourself and we’ve only got a shovel for defense”
Dumb bitch #2: “Hell yes!”

Pregnant women in zombie epidemic - sounds like it should end well

Three soldiers in HAZMAT suits are holding guns on two unarmed guys. The armed soldiers decide to kill the unarmed men and come upon the conclusion that the best course of action is to throw down there weapons!?!?! And karate fight them?!?! While the third gun totting solider sits back watching and mocking the other two soldier’s feeble karate skills. I just spit Iced tea all over EVERYTHING!

HAHA! The pregnant woman ended as well as I thought it would. Definitely brings the movie up a notch or two.

Unarmed men pick up the soldiers guns and kill them all. Serves them right.

“There’s no stopping them even though they’ll die from being shot in the little toe and they walk at about an 8th of the speed we do!!”

Why? Why were there zombies hiding under a pile of hay? Did six people crawl under a pile of hay to die? Or did they die somewhere else, become zombie and then decide “hey lets all six of us crawl under a pile of hay and wait there. that way when some unsuspecting people run by we can pop up right under em’!!! Great idea, right?” and I wouldn't put it past these zombies to actually do that.

Another guy who’s name I don’t remember is about to get shot I think I’m supposed to care about this one too but I still don’t.

That fucking DJ became a zombie at the end, I can’t even think of anything to say.

Shit music is plays over the ending credits. Fits with the rest of the film alright.