Burial Ground: Real Time Review
Premise: Zombies, and shit like that.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081248/And it’s incredible! INCREDIBLE!
And it’s True, too! AAAGGHHH!!!
Oh, shit! It’s a zombie! I bet this guy with a beard is really scared of these zombies. He sure looks scared, but they are zombies, who can blame him?
Is that a midget clone of Dario Argento? Jesus Christ that thing freaks me out. I seriously almost tipped my chair backwards when I saw that. I was all like “WHA!”, which is how I express shock, like “what” minus the T and really loud.
Oh, fuck, there it is again! It was watching it’s mother having sex, this fucking thing gets creepier and creepier.
The zombies are back. Zombies wearing robes. Cooooooolll.
Basically this thing looks like a midget version of an adult Dario Argento interbred with a 13 year old Frankie Muniz with eyes the size dinner plates and a voice that sounds as if a 40 year old man was being forced, at gunpoint, to imitate a 7 year old girl who was being forced, at knife point, to imitate a creepy looking midget that’s being forced, by threat of pummeling, to imitate a person.
Light bulbs explode with unknown fury! Zombies that look as though they’re wearing painted burlap sacks wander around in bright green robes!
These people sure do like making out.
So that’s why their grass is so green.
Lawn zombie wants a piece of that action. Ohhhh yeah…
“It’s a walking corpse!” actually it’s a crawling corpse, stupid.
I think it’s supposed to be a little kid…I need to vomit.
Man: Who are you?!
Zombie: Zombie!
Man: What are you here for?!
Zombie: Zombie!
Man: Stay back or I’ll shoot!
Zombie: Zombie…?
Toss ‘em the kid and run! You can have a new one!
As a horde of zombies move in on a couple
Woman: “They’re coming toward us!”
Man: Fuuuck Yoouu!
This zombie’s face seems to be frozen in a constant expression of shock, or at least the half that’s still there is.
A door flies open to reveal…
Holy shit, did that zombie throw a knife through that chicks hand? It did! It totally fucking did! That’s what I love about these 80’s euro zombie movies, the zombie’s are so skilled in so many areas: sprinting, acrobatics, swimming, knife throwing, street fighting. They’re also able to put various farming and landscaping tools to many interesting uses.
Now they slowly cut her head off with a scythe. Nice
“They can only be killed by blowing their heads off! (pumps shotgun and proceeds to blow zombie’s head off)” complete with sparks and flying brainmatter! What exactly is causing the sparks anyway?
Haha, this guy ain’t fucking around. He’s just standing on a balcony shooting zombie after zombie in the face.
The zombies are walking around and some chick is poking them with a big stick. That’s cool.
Yep, zombies are a real pain in the ass. Maybe you should run away or something instead of standing around like you’ve been doing. Stupid assholes.
This one chick is moaning every second she’s on screen. Moaning very sexily…I’m gonna go…brush my teeth real quick, Probably floss too.
Oh my Christ! What a little freak! He just tried to finger his mom! The when she slapped him and starting crying in his disgusting forty-year-old-man-imitating-little-girl-imitating-midget-imitating-person-ect voice and ran off like a woman. Not only is he weirdo who wants to do his mom but he’s a crybaby, too.
Freak boy is dead. His mom is sad. How could you actually be upset that that thing is dead?
Oh, zombies bleed milk apparently. Who knew?
Any way you cut it, Italian zombies are just way more resourceful than American zombies.
“why?!”
Why NOT?
The Professor tackled his butler and starting eating him. Eating him like bag of potato chips! That didn’t make a whole lot of sense. Sorry, I’ll try harder from now on.
Man 1: “That’s Professor Ayres!”
Man 2: “He’s a zombie, too, then!”
Professor Ayres: Zombie?!
Now they’re in a monastery filled with monks…ZOMBIE MONKS! 6 times more bloodthirsty and savage than 12% of most ordinary monks!
James enters a room filled with monks with bowed heads. “Forgive me for disturbing your meditation” says James. A monk looks up to reveal… he is a zombie!!!! “I won’t!” Screams zombie monk. Zombie monk tackles James and bites out his trachea! “No! I need that to live!” Yells James, somehow.
Are these the kinds of monks that know Kung Fu? Because that would really suck for these people. The zombie already know how to throw knives, use gardening implements as weapons and they were smart enough to find a huge log and use it to batter a door down, Kung Fu would just be too much.
Punch it! Punch it! KICK IT!!!! KICK IT WITH YOUR FEET! DO IT! DO IT NOW!!!!!!
Oh, god, now that sick little monkey’s a zombie, too.
I like how these two people warn the kid’s mom that he’s zombie once then just stand there, watching expectantly.
That’s why it’s a bad idea to breast feed zombies, they always end up getting over zealous.
Well they put up a good chase, but in the end, always bet on black!…zombies. Always bet on zombies. Zombies always win is what I’m trying to say. I so fucked that up. My bad.
Oh! It revealed a zombie.
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