Premise: A college professor takes his students out on a field trip to find a killer yeti out on an island famous for its killer yeti. The killer yeti, surprisingly, kills people, and, in the end, there may be something even more nefarious than a killer yeti behind the people seemingly being killed by the yeti.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072156/
The Picture quality is really bad on this upload so I can’t really tell, is that supposed to be a Yeti there or…Chewbacca?
What is this? Where is this music coming from? Is this from the movie or did my computer spontaneously turn gay on me?
They're at one of those "groovy" 70's disco parties I've heard so much about.
“No field trips! Tomorrow? He said there would be no more field trips!!”
“Don’t get so excited, that’s all in the past.”
I take it this guy got molested by the janitor at the Imaginarium as a child.
“It’s fabulous, this whole place is fabulous!” Jesus Christ, try not to blow a load all over your dinner salad, weirdo.
“This place has a rather exclusive and very unique clientele” What, dickheads?
"Where'd you go?"
"After the same thing you're after, Prell's...thing!"
This guy takes his classes out on field trips devoted entirely to finding his dong? That’s a little inappropriate for a college professor.
Flash back to the last ill fated expedition to Yeti Island where a man is savagely mauled by some kind of cave-man-esque creature wearing the fur of a sheep dog.
So this dude, Dr. Prell, takes his students out on a journey to some kind of island of Yeti's and in a past field trip several of his students were killed, one of the survivors goes to a party with a bunch of Prell's new students, gets liquored up and then starts monologing in front of the whole crowd, bottle in hand, about his horrible yeti-abundant ordeal, then proceeds to laugh manically and chug some vodka: "I'm not crazy! *chug chug* The Yeti will kill you too! *Chug chug* He'll kill you all!...where'd all my vokda go...?”. Here’s some free advice, boozy, if you want people to believe a fantastic tale of yours, best to tell it without: A. Breaking down in tears, B. laughing like a bi-polar clown whose balloon animal just exploded or C. slamming hard liquor. He might as well dress up in a bear outfit and juggle bowling pins while free-basing cocaine when telling the story and expect people to believe him. Actually, I'd be more inclined to believe a juggling, coke-fiend bear-man than a crazy alcoholic dude.
"I'm not crazy, there's a yeti out there, he'll kill you all!"
And now another group of young, bright eyed students are doomed to the same fate as Prell's last field trip.
Rummy McBoozeface and his lady friend go home and, like a true alky, he heads straight for his stash of hooch, his wife takes exception and knocks it out of his hands at which point it shatters in the sink, spilling the sweet, sweet nectar within down the drain to be lost forever. This angers the boozeaholic and seemingly triggers his Post Yeti Stress Syndrome because he grabs a knife and cuts his wife's throat with it. Like any rational thinking person he decides the best course of action after an impulsive, alcohol fueled act of homicide would be to wash the blood off of his clothes, so he fills the bathtub with water and hops in fully dressed, but not before grabbing a beer, where he sits scrubbing the blood stains on his shirt with a brush and knocking back his brewskie. Apparently his drunkeness hindered his murder abilities because his wife wasn't totally dead, Just faking, I guess. Anyway, she decides enough is enough and it's time to end the relationship, by tossing a toaster oven into the bathtub with her soon to be ex as he is passed out, covered in blood and filled with alcohol in a tub of water, and fry the nutty fruit-basket alive, to death. Which she does. Then she dies too. Which just goes to prove, two wrongs don't make a right, but they make for damn fine entertainment.
Who needs a wife when you've got beer and a bathtub to drink it in?
The doctor and his students have finally arrived on YetiDeath Island. They hook up with some supposed yeti researching yetiologist that lives there and hunts yetis all day long. He has long, hair and he wears sweaters. And a mustache.
"There's a man with an axe!"
"My indian?"
"I guess so!"
"Don't be frightened, that's laughing crow, I asked him to chop a few logs for us. He's a harmless old buzzard, and he takes very good care of me"
Hey, to anyone else that's seen this movie; did anyone get the impression that Laughing Crow and this dude have some kind of...something going on? Like...sort of a . . .weird. . .you know? Like with. . . gay sex or something?
Tom is a Douche-bag.
Tom. He's a douche-bag.
Goddamnit I hate Tom. I hate Tom more than I've ever hated a person, fictional or otherwise. Every time I see his pasty, shit-eating face with his greasy hair and silly boots I want to pull his head off his shoulders and beat him to death with it. Here's hoping he gets sodomized by a yeti and bleeds to death out of his ass.
Tom is dead, DEAD! Hallelujah! His death scene was short, so we didn't get many details, all we saw was the yeti charge him, jump him, and start bitch-slapping him. What I think happened afterwards, though, is the yeti pulled his dick off, and gagged him with it, then broke off his hands and slapped him across the face with them until it peeled off, then the yeti got up, peed on him, replaced his eyes with his testicles, then ripped his heart out and shoved it up his ass. Or at least that’s what I like to think happened.
This girl looks like a live action Velma from Scooby Doo, red hair, nerd glasses and everything. She’s not as hot as Velma, though.
She's not nearly as smart as Velma, either. After she freaks out (presumably after spotting the Yeti) She high-tails it. Reasonable, right? Running away from homicidal yetis is only natural? Yeah, but she runs into the fucking forest, the forest of death and yetis, instead of into the house, back to people and safety. Still, that's not all. After running through the forest in a blind panic for a bit, she gets her foot caught between two rocks. After exhausting all possibilities of escape, and by that I mean jerking her fucking leg forward over and over again despite repeated lack of success, she eventually falls over and get's Yeti-pwned. That shit never would have happened to Velma.
In the end, though, the Yeti probably saved her from getting date-raped by this lecherous old Yeti professor who lives on Yeti Island alone with his mute Indian caretaker and probably hasn't even seen a woman in 6 years.
Rapist? You decide. (The answer is "yes", by the way)
So, to get you folks caught up. We’ve got two dead college students, two living college students, Dr. Prell and his Yeti Hunting island dwelling colleague and his mute native side-kick. The two surviving students are a girl who is flipping her shit literally every second she’s on screen (She flips out so often and so fervently, in fact, that doctor Prell had to punch her right in the fucking head. Not even a slap, he slammed her direct to the side of the face.) and the leading man who is so vacuous and forgettable that I can’t remember his characters name longer than 6/8ths of a second after I hear it. I’ll just call him Chuck Tompkins. Plus there’s a yeti.
Is it just me or is this yeti a lot smaller than the average yeti? The thing looks about 4 feet tall. Looks more like a little kid wearing polar-bear fur pants and a shaggy parka with fake Dracula fangs. Like if Dracula and a polar bear boned and had a giant baby. That’s what it looks like. Exactly.
They're using bits of Toms leg as bait to try to trap the Yeti. Looks like they finally found a use for that cuntwaffle of a waste of humanity after all. I’m glad to know his remains are soon to be yeti shit.
Constantly hysterical girl and Chuck Tompkins got into a fight about constantly hysterical girls constant hysterics. Chuck is as tired of her shit as everyone else is, I guess. Can’t say I blame him. Nope, can’t blame the Chuck.
Chuck: “Now you've gone to far!”
CHG: “I don't think I've gone far enough!”
Chuck: “Yes you have!”
CHG: “Nope!”
Chuck: “Yep!”
Yeti: “Would somebody shut that bitch up already! Every time I’m about to kill one of you her shrill screams drive my testicles into my torso and I have to retreat to my cave in the forest of doom.”
Chuck: “Holy shit, where’d that dude in the sheep-dog body suit come from?!”
He put that bitch in her place. She's been grating on my nerves for a while now with her "There's a yeti on the island!", "my friends are dead!", “Don't use their corpses as bait to catch the yeti that’s on the island!" Bullshit. Change the fucking record already.
In their last ditch plan to capture the Yeti they're rigging a series of trip wires to a dead body and then. . . they'll shoot it, I guess.
Whoa, what? Wasn't it just night time? Man, I zoned out for a second.
Did somebody just hit Chuck over the head with a stick or did he just have a narcoleptic episode?
Is that indian cooking a human head into a stew? What has been happening over the last 5 minutes? A series of utterly nonsensical occurrences just took place. They were hunting the yeti, then out of nowhere Chuck runs off into the forest by himself and the sun has risen, then the mute native is listening to kids music and is scolded, at which point he cuts a dead bodies head off and turns it into a pot roast. Also, someone hit the Chuckster over the head with a stick and knocked him out...
Ahh...Ok! So the whole thing was some kind of trick the scientists, Clark the Yetiologist and Prell, put on to lure kids onto the island so they could kill them all and eat them? So is there a Yeti or what?
So I guess these guys are actually, like, were-yetis. They're yetis in disguise as people. I mean, I just made that up, but it makes as much sense as anything else that's going on in this movie.
Yeti time! What's the time? Yeti time!
My God is that a...
Could it be a...
YEEEETTTTTIIIIII!!!!!!!
So there is a yeti. So, are the Yeti and the scientists in cahoots or something? Are they working together? Is the Yeti their pet?
Why are any of the things that are happening in this movie happening in this movie? Nothing makes sense. The movie was awful from the start, but it was pretty straight forward: College kids on an island, yeti on the island, yeti kills kids. Now everything has just gone to shit. It’s as if billions of tiny spores of insanity have been emitted from the screen, clawed their way into my brain and started fucking the shit out of each other in a massive orgy of madness.
So there was never a yeti! So that's why the Yeti always looked like a dude in a bleached gorilla suit, because it was one!
Apparently the master-plan is to lure people to this island so they can scare them to death and then put on elaborate dinner parties where they serve the dead bodies as meat. It's like the pieces of a puzzle have finally fallen into place, and that puzzle is actually a picture of donkeys raping each other.
They're all devil worshiping cannibals who put together elaborate schemes to kill people and eat them. I feel so...fucking...cheated. I am genuinely pissed off about this. Go and ruin a perfectly good killer yeti movie with an unnecessary twist ending.
They're trying to convert Chuck into a cannibal like them, so he'll go forth and spread the legend of the yeti.
They’re all just chilling at the dinner table while Prell monologues to Chuck about their people-eating racket for about 5 minutes straight.
Chuck: "It was all a charade! There is no Yeti!"
Dude! Every fucking sentence spoken to you over the last six straight fucking minutes has been one variation
or another of those words. How goddamn many times do you need to be told “No fucking yeti, we eat people, it was all fake!” for you to understand?!
Now all 10 or so of the dinner guests have chased Chuck into the other room and are poking him with their salad forks as he writhes on the ground and screams in pain. They stabbed him into unconsciousness with forks! Uh oh, Chuck, it looks like you’re forked. Hah, get it?
If you never wanted to know what a man being stabbed with forks looked like, don't watch this movie.
. . . There just are no words. I'm genuinely flabbergasted. It's a rare occurrence for me to be flabbergasted beyond words, it doesn't happen often, but it has here. I'm not even going to try to understand because I think if I genuinely tried to comprehend what I’ve just seen I'd wind up going utterly mad like someone in an H.P. Lovecraft story. I feel like I've gazed upon the unknowable face of pure evil, and I don't know if I'll ever be the same.
Oh, and the Indian can talk. Surprise!
I can relate.
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